Poem 6: Pluck this little flower

One thing I struggle with in this project is how much to “modernize” the language and to what extent to keep it a little, well, old-fashioned. One answer might be that these are two separate projects: if I were editing Gitanjali, and working with Tagore, I would not overhaul his voice (good heavens)–that would compromise the integrity of the work.  On the other hand, if I were to say, “I wonder what Gitanjali would read like if it were written by, oh, Arundhati Roy, or Kay Ryan,” and rewrite it that way, that would be a different project altogether. But that (I remind myself) is not what I am doing. I should not “clean up” Tagore’s language any more than is necessary to unfetter his meaning.

Ugh. The difficulty–or a difficulty–is that the work does change in the process of editing. This is not a bad thing or a good thing; it’s just what happens.

So here are two versions of revision. The first makes more changes than the second. I think the second is better because it is closer to Tagore’s original. It’s useful for me to see what changes I cannot let go: these are more likely to be essential. For instance, I couldn’t abide the use of the word “smell,” which has a neutral-to-negative connotation in English. Here, obviously, the flower is worthy of being in the service of–a king, or a deity–humble though the offerer is about it–and that faint “smell” is a good quality. And so: “fragrance.” A nice smell. Something that recommends the flower for use by this king or deity.

The original

Pluck this little flower and take it, delay not! I fear lest it droop and drop into the dust.

It may not find a place in thy garland, but honour it with a touch of pain from thy hand and pluck it. I fear lest the day end before I am aware, and the time of offering go by.

Though its colour be not deep and its smell be faint, use this flower in thy service and pluck it while there is time.

The revised, Version A

Pluck this little flower and take it; don’t delay,

lest it droop and drop into the dust.

It may not find a place in your garland, but honour it

with a touch of pain from your hand, and pluck it.

I fear the day will end before I know it, and the time of offering pass.

Though its color is not deep, and its fragrance is faint,

use this flower in your service, and pluck it

while there is still time.

The revised, Version B

Pluck this little flower and take it; delay not! I fear lest it droop and drop into the dust.

It may not find a place in your garland, but honour it with a touch of pain from your hand and pluck it. I fear lest the day end before I am aware, and the time of offering go by.

Though its colour be not deep and its fragrance be faint, use this flower in your service and pluck it while there is time.